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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

¿Hacen usted tienen gusto de dolor?

Apparently the answer is: Si.

I learned that phrase when I learned how to do a felony traffic stop in Spanish. What does it mean you ask?
¿Hacen usted tienen gusto de dolor? = Do you like pain?
Please don't ask why I need to know that phrase for a felony traffic stop. It was Texas, does that help?

This morning I was reading a new book called The Bipolar Child (see my book list) and was finding some interesting information out about BP kids and separation anxiety and a few other things. It explained how they usually have a strong attachment to one parent, generally the mother. I was finding the information useful and reassuring, night lights are not uncommon in bipolar teens. You'd need one too if you experienced the nightmares that they do. They dream more vividly and gorily then most people. I wasn't really too concerned about the night light use, I think considering the recent weeks happenings that it is normal.
I was really comforted by one quote that I found from a mother of a bipolar child, "They can not believe that this sweet, charming, affectionate, and out going child could possibly be violent or bipolar. They just assume we are not firm enough with him, or pay too much attention to him."
I can relate to that statement fully. When Thunderous was diagnosed as Autistic no one said "Are you sure? All kids are like that." Yet that is exactly what they said when we shared Eldest's diagnosis. That is rather an isolating responds. You don't want to tell friends and family that you have a child with a mental disorder because of the reactions of disbelief and insinuations, or right out accusations, about your parenting abilities or own mental heath. I think that is one reason the stigma stays.
Another thing it talked about was how most of the manic and violent behavior takes place at home. That follows exactly with what Eldest has said, she uses all her control to hold it together in public but then losses it at home. I haven't gotten to the why part yet, so I asked eldest. She just looked and me and said, "Because it's public." When I asked for more she got annoyed, "It's public, you know, other people... out in public..." That was pure teenager lol! I'm wondering if it has to do with feeling secure at home. I'm sure I'll find out.
It also spoke some about how the separation anxiety or bond with one parent can have the added side effect of that parent being the one who the violence and anger of a manic cycle will be focused at. That reminded me of the conversation My Love and I where having yesterday about Eldest and school. He observed that Eldest and I have a strange relationship. She is rude to me, will yell at me, talks back to me... not him. Yet wants to always be by my side. If I go to the store, can she come? If I'm reading on the couch she'll sit next to me. Every morning she asks me to walk her to the bus stop... Seems to be I get the pleasure and punishment.
¿Hacen usted tienen gusto de dolor?

My Love called this morning. The Principal from Thunderous One's school called and talked to him. Thunderous is having some trouble. So I got the pleasure of calling the school to talk to the Support teacher. Seems she and I both saw the same thing in his behavior. So we talked a bit about it.
That brings me to another comment that My Love had made. He was saying it never ends, when we get one child to a better place, needs met, growth exhibited... something else happens, whether with another child or some other aspect of our life. We'll rest when we die, cuz I have loads of plans for after they all move out :)

More changes will be taking place around here and in our lifestyle. You see I am trying to get back in the work force, we finally found the Ninja Injun Pony a good home, and the prospect of homeschooling is looming. I am looking for part time work so I can still be here when the kids go to school and when they get home from school. It seems to be getting more and more unrealistic though. Being a good parent is a hard enough job and here we are trying to be a good parent to special kids, get an education, and an income. I don't know where to start or if I can make that commitment. Every time I take a step in the employment direction something in the family direction needs attention. I am sure I will find the right balance...maybe a work from home job...It will just take some experimenting.

So yes apparently I do like pain, I seem to take quite a bit on.

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