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Sunday, June 28, 2009

an imagery exercise

I want you to sit back and close your eyes (yes I realize you can't read with your eyes closed! Just work with me here! sheeze!)

okay... so sit back and close your eyes...
imagine yourself sanding in a big black nothing
no light...
no sound...
no sensation on your skin...



How do you feel?

Feel it.

Now, I want you to imagine your family with you...

There is a line of light that connects you to each member of your family...
it runs out from you to your sides...
to your brothers and sisters...
your half brothers and half sisters...
your step brothers and sisters...
your adopted brothers and sisters...

it runs out from in front of you to each of your children...
and each of their spouses (current and former) ...
and on to each of their children...
forward on...

it spreads out behind you connecting to your birth mother and father
to stepmothers and stepfathers
to adopted mothers and fathers...

Now send that beautiful line of light farther back
connecting to Grandmothers and Grandfathers
connect that light to their mothers and fathers...

keep going!

Imagine waves of people standing behind you connected by that beautiful line of light!

Now fill it out!

Reach that light out and connect it to
Aunts Uncles
all of them!
As far as you can reach!
and then from them to their children!
and to their parents!

Do you see the web?
Do you feel the connection?
All of these people!
All of these are your family!
All of them are connected to you by that beautiful line of light!

Now strengthen that light!
Make it stronger...
Follow it to everyone of those wonderful real people that spread out from you in all directions
in front of you...
beside you...
behind you...

Do you feel it?

Feel it.

Feel it.

Feel how each is connected
how each is part of you...

Feel it.

You are still standing in a big black nothing
no sound, no sensation on your skin...

but now you are not alone!

now there is light!

Feel It!

make that light brighter!

Feel it!

and now
I take a pair of scissors and I cut that line in one place,
and everyone behind you on the left is gone.

How do you feel?

One snip and that beautiful line of light that leads back from you
to those behind you
has been severed.

one snip.

and they are gone.

How do you feel?

How do you feel?

Feel it!

THAT is what it feels like to not know a parent.
That is what it feels like to not be connected.

and that
is common.

I don't think it should be.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Which one?

Written 6/5/09


So the last few days I have been having theses... attacks?
I don't know if they are anxiety or paranoia or some combination of the 2.
So I figured if I talk about them they wont happen! See ya talk about it and it loses it's power right?
It's when you keep them inside and they fester than they grow, right?

So I talk about them and it will make it paranoia...and if it so happens that it comes true well... then I guess we have proof of a premonition right?
hope not.

Okay so the last few days...maybe longer I keep getting hit with the fear that my leg will have to be amputated.
Yeah, not something small, my whole leg from the hip down.
Why on earth would I have that insane gripping fear you ask? seems logical...sometimes.
One of the favorite symptoms that my fibromyalgia throws at me is making my left leg go numb. Most of the time the thigh is numb.
It feels like your foot will feel when it is asleep and someone touches it.
It is really aggravating.
My Love says I may have a pinched nerve and if I go to a chiropractor he can make it better.
suurrree it's not me losing my leg, it's just a tini tiny nerve that someone can fix by cracking my bones...yeah that sounds better. not.

no chiropractors don't terrify me and make me shudder to think about...why do you ask?

when I am not convinced I will lose my leg, I am sure my tumor has returned.
That is so scary in itself that that could be why I have trouble swallowing again.
Why I keep having the sensation of being lightly strangled...
anxiety sucks.

and yeah, I know, I need to get to my doctor and have her assure me that I am just a bit too stressed and so on...

maybe all I really need is to increase my intake of dark chocolate...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Watermelon Wars

We rather love watermelon, it is our summer treat!
Monster looks forward all year to a Watermelon eating contest that the Lions Club does every August just before school starts.
My Love also loves watermelon. It is one of his fondest memories of childhood.

This afternoon we had our first watermelon of the year.
And our watermelon eating styles hit head on!

WE discovered it how you ate it as a kid that is most comfortable to you.

We had water melon cut into nice triangle slices and we ate it outside
so we could spit water melon seeds out of course!
Man I miss that.
Thunder asked how on earth you could spit the seeds when they were so small and floppy (meaning they had tried and it was quite the mess)
So we had to tell them, "Well son, that was back in the old days when watermelons had seeds."
The looks we got.

My Love on the other hand ate watermelon in a barn. They got to eat any that fell off the truck from the field and when they had been really good they got a cold one!
And that glorious one would be sliced open by the Boss and then he would cut out the heart handing the boys the rest of the watermelon.
So to My Love they only way to eat a water melon is to slice it in half and cut out it's heart.
(wow, that is vicious fruit murder right there!)

So back to our first watermelon...
My Love cuts it open and begins to cut it and eat out chunks of it's heart!
To which I declare wait! I want some too!
but I want a slice.
I get a slice, but the heart is already cut out!
That's not right!
That's cheating!
Monster wants some so he offers her chunks as well
But I don't like it
it's not practical for a family to sit around a watermelon and eat chunks
nor is it fair to eat already gutted slices!
AHHA! I grab a melonballer!
Monster loves it!
Little round balls of watermelon goodness!
Yay I think we have a solution!
So Monster, very impressed with the irresistible roundness of the melon balls, takes over and balls till she has filled a storage bowl.
Proudly she takes her bowl of treasure and we can now move away from the water melon and eat watermelon coolness, not stuck outside or at the kitchen counter!


My love is found back in the kitchen,
eating the water melon by chuncks...

*sigh* it's so hard to change.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

curent theme song

ah the things you learn about someone when they post their theme songs :)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's the end of the world as we know it...

Just thought I would give you all a heads up that the world will soon end.

Make whatever preparations necessary.

Friday, June 12, 2009


Guess what?

Monster cooked dinner :)

Guess what we had...


Garlicly spaghetti
with home made bread that she made herself... ummm
homemade garlic bread that she made herself.