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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Which one?

Written 6/5/09


So the last few days I have been having theses... attacks?
I don't know if they are anxiety or paranoia or some combination of the 2.
So I figured if I talk about them they wont happen! See ya talk about it and it loses it's power right?
It's when you keep them inside and they fester than they grow, right?

So I talk about them and it will make it paranoia...and if it so happens that it comes true well... then I guess we have proof of a premonition right?
hope not.

Okay so the last few days...maybe longer I keep getting hit with the fear that my leg will have to be amputated.
Yeah, not something small, my whole leg from the hip down.
Why on earth would I have that insane gripping fear you ask? seems logical...sometimes.
One of the favorite symptoms that my fibromyalgia throws at me is making my left leg go numb. Most of the time the thigh is numb.
It feels like your foot will feel when it is asleep and someone touches it.
It is really aggravating.
My Love says I may have a pinched nerve and if I go to a chiropractor he can make it better.
suurrree it's not me losing my leg, it's just a tini tiny nerve that someone can fix by cracking my bones...yeah that sounds better. not.

no chiropractors don't terrify me and make me shudder to think about...why do you ask?

when I am not convinced I will lose my leg, I am sure my tumor has returned.
That is so scary in itself that that could be why I have trouble swallowing again.
Why I keep having the sensation of being lightly strangled...
anxiety sucks.

and yeah, I know, I need to get to my doctor and have her assure me that I am just a bit too stressed and so on...

maybe all I really need is to increase my intake of dark chocolate...

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