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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I hate the denist

I gave it a chance
yeah I'm done now.

So i went oh so bravely
but I had no idea you ALL LIED TO ME!

I put on my favorite clothes so I would feel good, washed my face and put on makeup too!
AND I didn't eat any onions.
I am SO eating onions and garlic and maybe fish of some pungent kind before I go next time!

So I arrived and This time I have the bell balls in my hand before I even walk in the door.
Obviously they have talked about me because before I can sit down they are ready for me... next time they have reason to worry I'll bolt but by this point I am still naive.

The assistant gave me a look that said like-why-do-I-have-to-tell-you- every-tiny-thing-to-do?
"I've never had a cavity before." I said to explain why I have no clue on what to do.
She doesn't believe me," Never? You had them as a kid."
"No. This is the first one in my life."
"Oh." she blinks like I'm some odd anomaly she has never encountered.
She obviously has never dealt with this situation before and doesn't seem to know how to tell me what to do and never says what to expect...
Let me stop here to glare once again at all you how said things like
"it wont hurt"
"it no big deal"
"you'll be fine"

So I get seated. They have the stupid radio up so loud I can't hear my bells.
I wear the bib I've seen on all the tv shows.
AND I get cool paper sunglasses to protect my eyes... from what I wonder?
Maybe just the lights... yeah that's it just the lights, not flying elbows or broken bits of tools and teeth...

These people waste no time. No pleasantry beyond "Hello, We'll be taking care of lower quadrant 4. Should be no problem. Here bit on this."

The first stupid thing they do is have me bite on a cotton swap with numbing stuff on it. Before they take it out of my mouth it feels like some of it has dripped down my it's going numb... along with my lower lip and teeth. THEN they give me a shot He didn't stop with the injection thing till I whimpered, apparently that was a que he was waiting for.

wait 10 mins so your nice and numb... I had a small panic attack worrying that my medication would cause a drug interaction... Then attack you with clamps and sucky things and silver pointy tools and blue wedges and things that spray stuff, possibly water, possibly air, perhaps both? I wouldn't know they didn't talk during the ... process.

I really tried to appreciate how flawlessly they worked together how they flowed like a gracefully choreographed duet... while watching CNNHeadLine News tell me about bombs in schools, Samoa and Tonga hit by a tsunami and an airplane that crashed... Seriously people? NEWS is your choice to RELAX people? Try Cartoon Network! Geeze!

Oh he did say 2 things. "okay this will vibrate." then you hear the screeching drill, that I can take. The smell of my tooth dust, not so much.

Then "Now a different kinda vibration." I think he was buffing my tooth. THAT one hurt. I think the stupid numbing was wearing off. My jaw hurt. I couldn't unclench the muscles in my legs or neck. I kept trying, it just never happened. I also kept feeling pricks on my tongue, I still am. Must be the numb stuff wearing off.

Oh and no matter how obvious it should be to a dentist that you have a SMALL MOUTH they still feel the need to keep asking you to"open a little wider, if you can."
At least he had the grace to add the 'if you can'. Probably saved him getting hit!

So it's over.
The best thing I can say is it was not as long as I thought.

My teeth hurt.
My jaw hurts.
My throat hurts.
My lip feels swollen.
I'm not sure where my tongue is.
My teeth hurt.
My lips keep tingling.
I'm afraid to close my mouth too hard, I don't want to bite my cheek, but i fear I already have.
It is actually hard to swallow.
I rather hate the way this feels and I shall whine to anyone I can.
I've already called My Love twice and my sister once... But I'm talking funny and slobbering!

about all I can do is whimper and go lay on the couch. Maybe my boss wasn't being silly when he gave me the day off for a dentist appointment.

here's the theme song of the day. Enjoy.

1 comment:

Jessica G. said...

So glad I reminded you about that song. hehehehhee...