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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Snake

I wanted to share my pain with people, to maybe help them understand a fraction of what it is like to live with fibromyalgia. One of the problems with that is how daily the pain and problems are different and also how each of us experience it differently. I have a few good online fybro friends and their experience and what helps are often quite different. They did encourage me to share this description though…none of them experience it quite this way but they think it helps illustrate to the non suffers out there a bit of what we are living with.

I would like to introduce you all to my vial nemesis, Snake.

Snake this everybody.

Snake is my most common way to experience my fybro. Snake used to just live in my left leg. When I first met…him? (I think it is asexual so what do I call it?)... He was wrapped around and through my calf, squeezing and slithering. His Long curved poison dripping fangs were buried in my ankle. His tail occasionally hitting my knee. Still seems to be one of his favorite places.

Snake can change sizes…tiny as a gardener as big as the Basilisk. But always Acid Green with black and red eyes, long curling fangs the drip and pump poison. Sometime he lies quietly and I can pretend he is asleep or even not there…other times he grows and has kids, each torturing a different part of me. Yesterday, two of his kids were attacking my hands…one wrapping from the right elbow down to the wrist, up the pinking, just being a pain…the other was through my left wrist and sinking its sharp fangs into my palm hard. Made it rather difficult to work. Amazing what you need your hands for in a day isn’t it? Every move I made would irritate the baby snakes and they would bite or squeeze harder, squirm so you never forget they are there. Sucking the strength from the hands till you can hardly hold the handle on a door to open it. Today the one on the right has its tail buried through my shoulder and is constricting down the whole length with its teeth in a death grip on my pinkie.

See, sometimes they constrict, sometimes they bite, sometimes they slither… It is really hard to describe. It’s like they are in the muscle, on the muscle, they are the muscle. Sometimes it’s the bones.

Every day is different, some days bad, some good, some horrid. Some days I walk with a cane, some days I hike 7 miles. Some days can't pick up a gallon of milk, others heave 40 pound boxes into a dumpster.

So I have 2 sayings I try to keep in my mind:

Give me enough time and I can do Anything!

and

Pain is to be endured. It ends or it does not.


That last one was from a book I love! It may not sound too hopeful, but it really works for me. I can't say This too shall pass...because that would be a lie. It's chronic, it will not pass. But I will endure, cuz it will end or it won't.


So anyway, that is Snake.

I hope you never meet in person.