Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
So for all those who do not believe the extreme shepards are real or legit here you go... a News report:
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I have for years now been trying to find My Loves family, specifically his Father's family.
This last year I found his father, but I was too late... he had past away the fall before.
I found the names of several relatives and talked to one relative by marriage...but it seems a dead end for getting information as she gave me all she had.
And that leads us to what is driving me crazy!
His interest, or hope perhaps, lies with a relative I can find nothing about!
He has always been told he is part Native American. The one relative I talked to confirmed this but had no evidence and only knew her Husband said it was Blackfoot, Pennsylvania Blackfoot.
I have looked and looked! I have tried censuses, obituaries, Google...everything I can think of that can be done from my home. Good thing there is such thing as unlimited long distance, the number of hours I've spent on the phone trying to get info and find people is shocking!
Now I bet you would like to know the woman I have been seeking right?
Her name is Helen V. Barton.
It's a nice name isn't it?
It appears to be a difficult name to find, but a nice name none the less.
She may be Blackfoot,she may be Saponi, she may be Apache, she could be Iroquois, or any other nation!
But I haven't found her, to my sorrow.
"Why is it so important to find her?" you may be wondering... well that is kinda...personal.
You would probably need to read this post to get an understanding...
Needless to say, My Love needs this! I always hope I will find SOMETHING I can share with him, but lately I can not get around this wall of finding Helen, where she was born, who were her parents, her people... I don't know where to look next.
Yes, my unrealistic optimism for this post is someone, a Helen Barton relative perhaps, will be looking and find this randomly and can point us the right way, or have info, or something...
So here hoping!
Friday, December 11, 2009
First the family's house burns down, THEN they have to go live in a shack that is filled with SPIDERS!!!
And this is a Christmas story?
My little Monster knows I am afraid of spiders (except fuzzy ones) So with great pleasure she began to read it to me.
The book is titled:
The Christmas Cobwebs by Odds Bodkin and Illustrated by Terry Widener
You should have seen the gleeful maniacal way she read this passage:
"Then up in the rafters, tiny legs began to scurry this way and that.
At the end of a silver thread, a tiny spider dropped down down toward the bare tree.
Another spider followed.
And then another and another!"
of course I obliged by making my eyes wide and so on.
And really it was all an act.
Scenes from Arachnophobia were not were not running through my mind.
(would have inserted a pic here but the search freaked me out too much.)
okay, i think I'm done talking about this subject.
But first, may I ask WHO was the sadistic person who started including SPIDERS in Christmas?!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
and since my recent lag in posting was caused by a hospital stay
we shall take this time to have a musical interlude instead.
'cuz really I would really much prefer a musical interlude to a description of my recent Drama(tm).
Here we are,
enjoy this special musical interlude.
oh and person who told me this...
I still love you and am not mad at you,
I'm just using you
as a segway.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I thought I should clarify the last post.
It wasn't a one time thing like an odd phone call or emergency, this is a permanent change.
They have moved the time My Love needs to be at work.
So this unearthly hour will continue.
From now until FOREVER!
well not really forever, only winter...but at that time of morning it feels like forever.
I don't think hot chocolate has the ability to ease this one.
Needless to say Everyone goes to bed EARLY now.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
They went from being at 5:30...
(I would try so hard not to get up before 5:30, though My Love was already up at a quarter till...)
...To being at 4:15!
Whose idea was this!?!
What kinda sadist are they?!
Can I call them when I have to get out of bed so they have to share the joy that is predawn?
What were they thinking!?
Oh... it was the boss.
I never really liked him anyway.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I am waiting for the sheriff.
Yes the sheriff.
The neighbors dog got loose and decided instead of running away and finding a better life with people who actually love it and feed it and so on he would stay here and attack my animals!
Anyone who knows me knows I love birds. And People who don't even know me know my Goose. I love my Goose. I love my Goose more then I feel sorry for the neglected and insane dog whose life has been spent on a 6 foot chain.
Whistler is right now huddled up next to the wheel barrow.
I don't know what I can do for her yet.
I trapped the dog in my mud room and called the sheriff.
so I am waiting.
I need to go check on her.
Sheriff has been here and now is gone.
I found my duck. Her name was Olympic.
She obviously tried to hide, but didn't make it.
I am trying to decide what to do with Whistler.
She has a terrible wound in her side.
The sheriff said I could take her to the vet and then they can add that to the report, but there is no guarantee that the neighbors will have to pay it.
And I don't know if it will help her.
She is so quiet.
I don't know what to do!
Basically, he chained the dog back up in the neighbors yard.
Knocked on their door, no answer. They were home when this occurred but now they are magically not home. When he can get in touch with them he will give them a ticket for a dog at large and vicious animal.
I know what will happen then.
The neighbors will shoot their dog.
I told that to the sheriff.
I also told them about the broken car window and how she has said it will be thrown out of court once she tells the judge "the Kid is retarded". I told him about the last dog they had that killed my chickens and how it ended up shot and it's body left out to rot.
I am not happy right now.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
What on earth have I kept from them?
what kind of mother would neglect to get her kids one?
Well, in my defense I never thought they would really be interested in them...and then I thought maybe they were too old.
So I guess they will be getting that for Christmas this year.
I have no idea how much they cost... I hope they are reasonable. I wonder where my old one is? It was so much cooler then the hideous microwave looking things they now have. It was a Holly Hobbie one! It looked like a stove and oven. It was blue!
I loved that thing.
oh, and to torture me for such neglect they are eating pickles. I can't stand the smell (or taste) of pickles.
But because I will consider it some one is making brownies as well.
Not actually a good smell combination, but they are trying.
Anyone else excited the the Krumpus will be coming soon?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
and here we are weeks later and guess what?
I'm still sick.
I am getting very annoyed with it. I have missed a handful of important birthdays, including My Love's, my parents anniversary and Halloween...I have used all my sick days and had to take more unpaid, so I am thoroughly sick of being sick.
What I am finding most annoying is no one seems to know what I have!
I woke up one day with a strange headache up the back of my neck and head, a fever and feeling yucky. There was a little cough, but I didn't think much of it as I felt I could breath pretty well. I rested as much as I could took a few days off to rest. Kept going, realized I'm not better, took a few more days off...
I just could not improve. I was exhausted. I kept coughing, the fever was all over the place. When it spiked to 104ish I went to the free clinic.
I was less then impressed. It took 4 hours for a 10 minute visit. The nurse checked my oxygen intake, blood pressure, and temp (which didn't want to work). Told me she would be back with some Tylenol, she never came back. The doctor came in listened to my lungs, they were clear, and that's all he did. No looking in the eyes, ears, nose... nothing but lungs.
He said I had the flu. All I had to do was rest and drink lots of fluids... I argued with him, not what he expected. I said this isn't the flu I've had it for over 2 weeks all ready, I've rested and drink plenty and I'm not getting better. No, No it's just the flu stay in bed till Thursday and you find you get your strength back on Wednesday... you'll be fine. Oh and here take this cough syrup too. I left with a note for work that I had to stay home, a prescription for cough syrup and the resolve that I would be better by Thursday cuz the doctor said so.
Yeah, well...he was wrong.
Turns out the cough surup, that had 4 warning lables on it, was dangerous for me to take with my other conditions. He shouldn't have perscribed it.
I missed all that work unpaid and when I went back to work I was still pale, coughing, and building a fever...
Last night, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to the ER.
As I was being admitted I got the teribal feeling that they were already deciding I had the flu.
But because of how long I have been sick and my other conditions they started with a chest xray. That way if I had pnemonia or swine flu with fluid on the lungs we would waste no time in finding out.
and they really wasted no time.
As soon as I was back in my room a person from respitory was there to do a saline suction test to test for whooping cough. Now there is a fun test. They drop saline in one nostril and suck it out the other so the saline will trave in a loop through your sinuses. Apperently I was too stopped up for it to work like that. So he had to do it twice, once the way I explained the next trying to suck it back out the same nostril. I was the first person he ever had who did NOT sneeze. I don't know what that means.
They doctor can in (I'm obsessed now, he didn't look in my ears either) He thinks I have whooping cough. Seriously. I am a bit surprised. He says we will know for sure in about 3 days when they get the test results back... he talks about the CDC and vacines and stuff.
I am just like...whooping cough? is this 1890?
So here I am on antibioctics (and yogurt), still coughing, still exhausted,(haven't taken my temp, too exhausted for that) and wondering if they got it right this time. Oh and there's nothing I can do but suffer. It takes 6 to 10 weeks to work through.
So tonight well have a family meeting about what every one else can do to help... and if it turns out the test comes back possitive we may be hearding everyone else in for a round of antibiotics.
Not sure if I want this diagnoiss to be right, but at the same time I sure don't want then to be wrong again.
So there ya go.
P.S. mom can you come take care of me?
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
say, your hat and inhaler?
2. did people stop a meting to turn and stare when you entered the room with varying expressions on there face, but then all ask,"are you okay?"
3. have you discovered you have put at least one article of clothing on backwards?
4. when finishing a transaction with the bank did the tellers ask,"Are you going back to work?" and then show obvious relief when you say no.
if you answered yes to the above question then you may infact be sick.
How to convince your spouse you are in fact bedridden ill...
escape an intimate embrace to pay homage to the porcelain deity.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I gave it a chance
yeah I'm done now.
So i went oh so bravely
but I had no idea you ALL LIED TO ME!
I put on my favorite clothes so I would feel good, washed my face and put on makeup too!
AND I didn't eat any onions.
I am SO eating onions and garlic and maybe fish of some pungent kind before I go next time!
So I arrived and This time I have the bell balls in my hand before I even walk in the door.
Obviously they have talked about me because before I can sit down they are ready for me... next time they have reason to worry I'll bolt but by this point I am still naive.
The assistant gave me a look that said like-why-do-I-have-to-tell-you- every-tiny-thing-to-do?
"I've never had a cavity before." I said to explain why I have no clue on what to do.
She doesn't believe me," Never? You had them as a kid."
"No. This is the first one in my life."
"Oh." she blinks like I'm some odd anomaly she has never encountered.
She obviously has never dealt with this situation before and doesn't seem to know how to tell me what to do and never says what to expect...
Let me stop here to glare once again at all you how said things like
"it wont hurt"
"it no big deal"
"you'll be fine"
So I get seated. They have the stupid radio up so loud I can't hear my bells.
I wear the bib I've seen on all the tv shows.
AND I get cool paper sunglasses to protect my eyes... from what I wonder?
Maybe just the lights... yeah that's it just the lights, not flying elbows or broken bits of tools and teeth...
These people waste no time. No pleasantry beyond "Hello, We'll be taking care of lower quadrant 4. Should be no problem. Here bit on this."
The first stupid thing they do is have me bite on a cotton swap with numbing stuff on it. Before they take it out of my mouth it feels like some of it has dripped down my throat..so it's going numb... along with my lower lip and teeth. THEN they give me a shot He didn't stop with the injection thing till I whimpered, apparently that was a que he was waiting for.
wait 10 mins so your nice and numb... I had a small panic attack worrying that my medication would cause a drug interaction... Then attack you with clamps and sucky things and silver pointy tools and blue wedges and things that spray stuff, possibly water, possibly air, perhaps both? I wouldn't know they didn't talk during the ... process.
I really tried to appreciate how flawlessly they worked together how they flowed like a gracefully choreographed duet... while watching CNNHeadLine News tell me about bombs in schools, Samoa and Tonga hit by a tsunami and an airplane that crashed... Seriously people? NEWS is your choice to RELAX people? Try Cartoon Network! Geeze!
Oh he did say 2 things. "okay this will vibrate." then you hear the screeching drill, that I can take. The smell of my tooth dust, not so much.
Then "Now a different kinda vibration." I think he was buffing my tooth. THAT one hurt. I think the stupid numbing was wearing off. My jaw hurt. I couldn't unclench the muscles in my legs or neck. I kept trying, it just never happened. I also kept feeling pricks on my tongue, I still am. Must be the numb stuff wearing off.
Oh and no matter how obvious it should be to a dentist that you have a SMALL MOUTH they still feel the need to keep asking you to"open a little wider, if you can."
At least he had the grace to add the 'if you can'. Probably saved him getting hit!
So it's over.
The best thing I can say is it was not as long as I thought.
My teeth hurt.
My jaw hurts.
My throat hurts.
My lip feels swollen.
I'm not sure where my tongue is.
My teeth hurt.
My lips keep tingling.
I'm afraid to close my mouth too hard, I don't want to bite my cheek, but i fear I already have.
It is actually hard to swallow.
I rather hate the way this feels and I shall whine to anyone I can.
I've already called My Love twice and my sister once... But I'm talking funny and slobbering!
about all I can do is whimper and go lay on the couch. Maybe my boss wasn't being silly when he gave me the day off for a dentist appointment.
here's the theme song of the day. Enjoy.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
*looks at 0 comments*
I guess no one asked.
*glares at family that are morally obligated to read and post on family members blogs*
Well, I'll talk as if you cared.
I mentioned last time that I was going to the dentist for the first time in years.
Almost 16 years actually.
When you tell a dental hygienist that you haven't been in 16 years their face goes through a few emotions... like horror, pity, fear of what they will find...
When you say that to a dentist they just glare at you, like you stepped on a kitten.
So lets step back... I got off work and went to get My Love like I always do...but first, I was ravenous so I also got a chicken sandwich with onions! No, not cuz I wanted to make the dentist cry, it's my comfort food and I was hungry! Geeze!
So I inhale my food while I wait for My Love to get off work. I didn't relinquish the drivers seat when he came out. I can't recall what we were talking about as I drove off I just know my anxiety level was rising. So I was probably jabbering.
I made the turn to head to the dentist.
"Were are we going?" My Love asks.
"Remember I have a dentist appointment." my reply, hands had gone white knuckled on the steering wheel. I knew what he was going to say.
"Sooo...why aren't you taking me home first?"
The next few exchanges I shall spare you.
Needless to say I was furious, much better then scared/nervous.
I drove him home and said not a word.
Yes, me not talking.
He doesn't like waiting rooms, doctors offices, or hospitals. I believe my last words to him were something along the lines of "Whaaa."
I was able to run in and brush my teeth so I wouldn't be offensive to the poor individuals who had to work on me, so it wasn't a total loss.
Unfortunately, or maybe not, they were ready for me as soon as I walked in. I was ushered back into the little alcove with the funny chair that i was suddenly scared to sit in... she should me where I could hang my purse, I was nervous enough I forgot to get out my bell balls... I think they are called mediation balls or something... mine are named Harmony (shes blue) and Balance (he's green). Yes, I named them.
So she made me sit in the scary chair...staring longingly at my purse, but too unnerved to ask to get them. I am not one of those people who can hide their emotions, they are usually written with psychedelic flames across my face. She started handle me like a kid.
My mouth is small. I think it's a family thing. Also my wisdom teeth never came all the way in on the bottom and didn't even try to on the top...umm do we have wisdom teeth on top?
She took the xrays and did it as fast as she could, she ran back and forth between the button and my mouth. i don't know why she did that...maybe i looked like I was going to bolt?
She had trouble with the first few, we had to use a smaller more flexible size.But they still cut the roof of my mouth.
Then she disappeared... to get get help. I had almost gathered my nerves back and was moving to get up...to get my balls, I think she thought I was making a run for it. Cuz before I could explain I just wanted my bell balls she had the chair leaned uncomfortably far back and raised up. Apparently just to make it harder to escape. Cuz the next thing she did was stick a metal thing in my mouth! She was poking me with the metal thing and calling out numbers to the helper..3..4...3...2...4...2...3...3....5...
Was she counting cavities! Oh my gosh! Was that how many cavities I have in each tooth!?!
Must calm, must calm...where are my bells!
Can't get them...
Ceiling blank, I bet they get tired of hearing they should have something on the ceiling.
I bet they painted the walls this color to be CALMING.
they should get their money back.
Holy cow! Look at my shoes!
I seriously need new ones. What is that?
Did I step on a ketchup packet?
great, can I hide my feet? Can the assistant see that?
Seriously, they are hammered.
But I really like them, they are tan suede high tops.
Nike airs, My Love insisted I get Nike airs if I have to work and be on my feet all day.
But i haven't found any like them.
Okay...enough with the terrifying numbers already!
A six! Are you kidding! I have 6 cavities in that tooth!
I like the orange on my shoes too.
Yey. I like their orange soles.
Maybe if I put in the orange shoe laces they wont be so bad...
OH THANK GOODNESS, they are done.
So That was my state of mind. I REALLY could have used a hand to hold or the bell balls at least.
I shall spare you the rest.
i good news: i only had 1 cavity! My first one in my whole like thank you.
the bad news: I need to get a scaling done.
I shall not go into what that is because it makes skin crawl.
My teeth are terribly discolored because of 16 years of missed cleanings...
The End, cuz I don't want to talk about it any more.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
So today was less then wonderful
So I expect the week to follow suit.
I missed church because Monster was throwing up.
Got a note from the tv celebrities I sudo work for that I am not strict enough
Didn’t get to go for the planned ride in the mountains
The radio show I was on had recording problems so we may have to do a do over
There is a ‘spat’ between some of the charity board members is causing big problems
And the planned movie night is a no go.
And then to top it off when I went to get a simple chocolate chip cookie I find they are ALL GONE!
Not a piece of chocolate in the house!
(Trust me, I turned the place upside down)
That was the LAST straw!
I had had it!
I grabbed my purse
I was on a chocolate run.
“Do you have money?” My Love asked.
“If I don’t I’ll just knock the store over!” I snapped.
Suddenly the kids were scrambling to come with me
“I’ve got to see this!”
“I want to see mom knock a store over!”
“Remember the night we became werewolves?!”
Okay, this is probably not normal responds from kids is it?
They thought I would become some mutant cross between a werewolf and the incredible hulk and literally knock a store over to get to the chocolate and as there is a chocolate factory in town they were sure it would be a show worth seeing. Apparently I become a werewolf/incredible hulk hybrid when I am angry, you wouldn’t like me angry. Lovely to know how your kids see you isn’t it?
Oddly enough, no one was disappointed when we walked into the gas station and used mere money to get my chocolate… cuz there was one SOUR worm in the bag of gummy worms we bought My Love.
Somehow I don’t know how to feel about being as exiting as a lone sour gummy worm in a bag of regular gummy worms.
I said “Time to put my goddess hat on!” as I went to get the phone for the radio show.
“I’ll get it!” Monster yells as she scampers off…
“Wait! It’s not a actual hat!”
She returned with a garland of ivy and a staff... the Staff of Was... I have no idea what that means.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Right now I am seriously annoyed! Mad even!
You see the bus decided it needs to pick the kids up earlier.
It was picking them up at 7:04 last year, this year it was coming at 6:50 (even though they told me no time change). Yesterday, My Love was talking to a friend whose child rides the same bus and they mentioned that the buss was going to be coming earlier because another child has been added to the route. Yeah, no one from the bus company told us, another parent did. Wonder if the phone is broken at the bus barn?
So, I just had gotten back from taking My Love to work and was getting the kids moving a bit faster on packing lunch...brush your hair...don't wait till the last minute to put on your shoes...hot chocolate isn't ready yet... breakfast... HOLLY COW!!! THE BUSS IS HERE!
The bus was impatiently waiting with flashing lights for us to tumble and scurry out the door. In a tangled mob the kids grabbed backpacks and lunches, bowls of cereal were left anywhere between the kitchen and front porch as they frantically tried to shovel in a few last bites... the buss shut it's doors and acted like it would pull away as the mob descended the stairs in a trampling horde that scattered cats and ducks and set the neighbors dog barking. They opened the doors and the kids files up the stairs and to their seats. Absent was our next door neighbor, but I heard the mom yelling in the house...the bus pulled away, the kids waving as usual.
I came back into the decimation that had been left behind an looked at the clock it was 6:31!!!
Are you kidding me?
a buss picks up this early?
I could understand if maybe we lived miles and miles out of town like some of the ranch and mountain kids do, but come on! We are 3 blocks out side of city limits!
Want to know what time the bell rings for class to START?
8:00am for Elementary and 8:20 for everyone else.
That puts the older kids on the buss for almost 2 hours!
So I ask "WHAT?!?!" and they say "we have one bus to meet the needs of our special students, so everyone will just have to work with us. If it doesn't work for you you can drive them..."
They complained all last year about how the kids that are the last ones off are so terrible...loud, wiggle in their seats... and I told them well duh! They have to be on there for so long any kid would get fidgety! Oh and these are ALL Special Needs kids. There are deaf kids, wheel chair bound kids, emotionally disturbed kids, autistic kids, all kinds! and their siblings. So here you have kids who are often more sensitive to prolonged expose to sound and vibrations being crammed onto a buss at dawn and then not getting home till dinner is on the table and they wonder why it's such a difficult route!
Lets make the Special Needs Buss the longest route in the school system!
Oh, I hold out NO HOPE what so ever that this will improve, I am only impotently venting as we had a run in with this Buss company last year over the verbally abusive and scary obsessive buss driver they had on the 'normal route' with Eldest.
He had announced to the buss he was a recovered meth user and it was only through finding Jesus that he was saved and they all needed to find Jesus or burn in hell. He told me I should beat her with a stick and she was a bad kid and so on... yelled to me from the buss door. He started dropping her off early, not at her stop, saying if she didn't get off the buss she would get a green slip (2=suspension 3=never ride again)... It was a nightmare. We told the buss company about it and they backed him saying it never happened and the camera on his buss was broken so we couldn't prove anything... so we switched her to ride with the other 2 on the Special Needs Buss.
Over the summer he started showing up at my work and anytime Eldest was volunteering at a charity event he would appear. We talked to some officers about it and magically he faded away, then we find out his contract wasn't picked up for the new year. It only took a whole school year and law enforcement to get any result on that one, so as I said I see no hope of changing this next stupid buss stunt.
I guess I will do like they suggested so sweetly and see if I can rearrange my schedule to take the kids to school... and the school wonders why kids are being dropped off at 7:00.
We all KNOW I am so not a morning person. I hate getting up before the sun, or the butt crack of dawn as i call it, to take my Love to work and then coming home getting the kids off to school, then take care of the animal, then take a shower and get dressed and go to work myself... and try to fit in a load of laundry, unthaw meat for dinner, wash some dishes, pick up the house... so this is NOT the time of day throw stupid at me!
I guess it doesn't help that I am exhausted, have 2 district managers in at work, and I'm going to the dentist for the first time since I was 18 this afternoon. No, all that has no barring on how stupid it is to pick up kids at 6 freaking 30 in the morning!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Which I guess doesn't actually make me a freak cuz lots of people do that...blog about blogs that is...
and she did request it...
so here it is!
I follow (see? follow! that gets me an entry right there!) this blog called Duck Duck Cow.
She is having a celebration and contest for her 500th blog!
Yeah, I have what 70?
I'm an underachiever I guess.
She said we get an entry for doing each of the following:
To enter the contest you can do any or all of the following (BUT EACH ENTRY REQUIRES A SEPARATE COMMENT, please! I'm an airhead and need to keep this as simple as possible!)
- Comment saying one odd thing about you.
- Follow me (and Google Reader doesn't count...I need proof of your devotion).
- Blog about this contest (for three entries).
- Bring me chocolate
So, first I read it wrong and posted like 7 comments before my brain caught up (that and she made fun of me on the phone) and realized it does not say one comment = one entry
But they were relevant comments!
I shared one weird thing about me (I eat hamburgers upside down) and I didn't even go on a tirade about weird is subjective and what is so bizarre to one is normal to another and for that matter if there is not normal how can there be weird? SEE!?! I held back! I just complied and told her something others have commented is weird about me (cuz I sometime don't know it's weird till someone says it is...okay most of the times I don't know...)
I am already what is refereed to as a follower of her blog, though I did point out that we have discussed that I do not make a good follower or leader for that matter...
I am currently Blogging about this contest :)
It may be rambling and partially incoherent but you should expect that from me by now!
and it's still a blog, even if incoherent :P
I sent her a book called A Chocolate a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
so I should get an entry for the giving her chocolate part...
hey! I'm out of chocolate!I just realized that!
I better go get some!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Have you ever ran across a tombstone with your family name on it?
I often wonder if this is a lost relative. Why is he buried in a mostly family groups cemetery all alone?
Why doesn't anyone come visit his grave?
Who was he?
I am a firm believer that nothing happens by coincidence, I may never know the reason why something happened, but it is not the occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection ; also : any of these occurrences.
How I found him was simple enough, yet stuns me in a way.
We had been randomly driving around our town and wanted somewhere peaceful to walk, the parks were all too crowded and the mountains farther then our level of gas could take us. So I suggested a graveyard. As a kid we would spend time walking through old graveyards and I have always loved the peace that can be found there. I also loved to look at the old headstones, the art and poetry of some of them is stunning, and lost. I have always wanted a head stone like the old ones. I can not abide the new lawn cemeteries. Who wants a lawn mower to be able to drive over them? No way! If I can't have my carved headstone I want to be cremated and a garden of aspen and roses planted for me and my ashes mixed in there. NO LAWNS!
The only two cemeteries I knew of were on the other side of town from where we were, but My Love knew of one I did not. He would pass it on the way to his work. It was lovely! Big trees towering over head declared it to be old enough to not have lawns, and the wrought iron gate was charming! I especially loved the sign that warned you the the gate closed automatically at dusk so you had better be out or you were spending the night.
It was not very big but had a nice meandering road through it. My Love randomly stopped the car near a nice big tree and we got out and began to walk among the headstones. We saw families together and enjoyed how the headstones progressed in obvious style changes. I loved the ones that had a tiny marble marker and would work their way up to a modern one all bearing the same sur name. This town is really an Old Family Town. People took pity on us when we first got here because we were a young couple with no family, it was something they found hard to believe. How can you make it without family? (of course now the town has grown so if you have no family here you aren't trusted)
I saw two tomb stones that didn't quite seem to fit in. They were white marble and very simple, and old. I went for a closer look. That is when I saw one of them had my family name on it.
I recall I was surprised,
or maybe shocked.
Then I got excited.
Was this a relative?
How had he gotten here?
His tombstone didn't give much information.
I called my parents later and asked if it was a possible relative but was told probably not.
But you know.
Years later and I can't seem to get that lone tomb stone out of my head.
It was like he and the guy next to him had no one, so they were put in a far back corner.
The mausoleums and huge head stones were up front.
the ones back here more modest.
And his tomb stone...simple.
I think tomorrow, or soon, I need to visit him again, I don't think anyone else is and it's been awhile since my last visit there.
I really need to find out who he is.
He may have family, somewhere.
Do you think they are looking for him?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I want you to know there are no loop holes.
As your Barista I would like to inform you of a few things that you either don't Know, don't want to know, or hope isn't true.
1) When you Ice the coffee it is still coffee.
I am sorry, Ice does not magically render coffee just a flavor, it is still actually coffee.
2) Ordering the drink made with decaffeinated coffee also does not remove the coffee...infact it does NOT even remove all the caffeine. It is still coffee and is what we in the business often refer to as 'No Fun' (the other 'No Fun' being skim milk).
3) Mocha has coffee in it. Mocha IS coffee and chocolate.
If it was only chocolate we call it, of all things, Hot Chocolate.
4) As we learned earlier Ice does not make Coffee magically be not coffee and Mocha powder does not magically not have coffee if mixed into a cold drink. Meaning: If the Blended or Frappe drink has Mocha powder in it you are IN FACT having coffee. Yes, even if they made it will straight milk. Don't argue with me on this Mocha is COFFEE.
Now, I am telling you this out of the goodness of my heart, not because your odd self delusion annoys me.
Please enjoy your drinks responsibly.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
okay... so sit back and close your eyes...
imagine yourself sanding in a big black nothing
no sensation on your skin...
How do you feel?
Now, I want you to imagine your family with you...
There is a line of light that connects you to each member of your family...
it runs out from you to your sides...
to your brothers and sisters...
your half brothers and half sisters...
your step brothers and sisters...
your adopted brothers and sisters...
it runs out from in front of you to each of your children...
and each of their spouses (current and former) ...
and on to each of their children...
it spreads out behind you connecting to your birth mother and father
to stepmothers and stepfathers
to adopted mothers and fathers...
Now send that beautiful line of light farther back
connecting to Grandmothers and Grandfathers
connect that light to their mothers and fathers...
Imagine waves of people standing behind you connected by that beautiful line of light!
Now fill it out!
Reach that light out and connect it to
all of them!
As far as you can reach!
and then from them to their children!
and to their parents!
Do you see the web?
Do you feel the connection?
All of these people!
All of these are your family!
All of them are connected to you by that beautiful line of light!
Now strengthen that light!
Make it stronger...
Follow it to everyone of those wonderful real people that spread out from you in all directions
in front of you...
Do you feel it?
Feel how each is connected
how each is part of you...
You are still standing in a big black nothing
no sound, no sensation on your skin...
but now you are not alone!
now there is light!
make that light brighter!
I take a pair of scissors and I cut that line in one place,
and everyone behind you on the left is gone.
How do you feel?
One snip and that beautiful line of light that leads back from you
to those behind you
has been severed.
and they are gone.
How do you feel?
How do you feel?
THAT is what it feels like to not know a parent.
That is what it feels like to not be connected.
I don't think it should be.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
So the last few days I have been having theses... attacks?
I don't know if they are anxiety or paranoia or some combination of the 2.
So I figured if I talk about them they wont happen! See ya talk about it and it loses it's power right?
It's when you keep them inside and they fester than they grow, right?
So I talk about them and it will make it paranoia...and if it so happens that it comes true well... then I guess we have proof of a premonition right?
Okay so the last few days...maybe longer I keep getting hit with the fear that my leg will have to be amputated.
Yeah, not something small, my whole leg from the hip down.
Why on earth would I have that insane gripping fear you ask?
Well...it seems logical...sometimes.
One of the favorite symptoms that my fibromyalgia throws at me is making my left leg go numb. Most of the time the thigh is numb.
It feels like your foot will feel when it is asleep and someone touches it.
It is really aggravating.
My Love says I may have a pinched nerve and if I go to a chiropractor he can make it better.
suurrree it's not me losing my leg, it's just a tini tiny nerve that someone can fix by cracking my bones...yeah that sounds better. not.
no chiropractors don't terrify me and make me shudder to think about...why do you ask?
when I am not convinced I will lose my leg, I am sure my tumor has returned.
That is so scary in itself that that could be why I have trouble swallowing again.
Why I keep having the sensation of being lightly strangled...
and yeah, I know, I need to get to my doctor and have her assure me that I am just a bit too stressed and so on...
maybe all I really need is to increase my intake of dark chocolate...
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monster looks forward all year to a Watermelon eating contest that the Lions Club does every August just before school starts.
My Love also loves watermelon. It is one of his fondest memories of childhood.
This afternoon we had our first watermelon of the year.
And our watermelon eating styles hit head on!
WE discovered it how you ate it as a kid that is most comfortable to you.
We had water melon cut into nice triangle slices and we ate it outside
so we could spit water melon seeds out of course!
Man I miss that.
Thunder asked how on earth you could spit the seeds when they were so small and floppy (meaning they had tried and it was quite the mess)
So we had to tell them, "Well son, that was back in the old days when watermelons had seeds."
The looks we got.
My Love on the other hand ate watermelon in a barn. They got to eat any that fell off the truck from the field and when they had been really good they got a cold one!
And that glorious one would be sliced open by the Boss and then he would cut out the heart handing the boys the rest of the watermelon.
So to My Love they only way to eat a water melon is to slice it in half and cut out it's heart.
(wow, that is vicious fruit murder right there!)
So back to our first watermelon...
My Love cuts it open and begins to cut it and eat out chunks of it's heart!
To which I declare wait! I want some too!
but I want a slice.
I get a slice, but the heart is already cut out!
That's not right!
Monster wants some so he offers her chunks as well
But I don't like it
it's not practical for a family to sit around a watermelon and eat chunks
nor is it fair to eat already gutted slices!
AHHA! I grab a melonballer!
Monster loves it!
Little round balls of watermelon goodness!
Yay I think we have a solution!
So Monster, very impressed with the irresistible roundness of the melon balls, takes over and balls till she has filled a storage bowl.
Proudly she takes her bowl of treasure and we can now move away from the water melon and eat watermelon coolness, not stuck outside or at the kitchen counter!
My love is found back in the kitchen,
eating the water melon by chuncks...
*sigh* it's so hard to change.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I'm not sure how it started but Monster has decided Eldest IS a Vampire and she has set out to prove it.
When Eldest is in a bad mood Monster will quietly put on a necklaces of garlic.
At other times Monster will randomly throw cloves of garlic at her...
"MOM! She's throwing garlic...again!"
"LOOK! she jumped away! That proves it! SEEE?!?"
"MOM!!! She threw water on me!"
"Why isn't she melting or bursting into flame?"
"It needs to be holy water."
"MOM! I can't put my eyeliner on cuz Monster keeps jumping out at me!"
"I've proved it! She doesn't have a reflection!"
"Yes I do!"
"I can't see it!"
"That's because you're short."
"MOM!!!! She did it again!"
while Eldest was still asleep Monster snuck in and hide a head of garlic under her pillow.
Now she is planning on make dinner for the family...
a garlic dinner.
Looking through recipie books...
"Do we have any recipes that call for garlic? LOTS of garlic? Slices of garlic..."
"I like garlic."
"surrre you do..."
"AAGH!" Eldest throws her arms up in frustration and storms out of the kitchen.
Monday, May 25, 2009
My current Fibromyalgia related issue.
Raw and rambling
just like me
Work and Fibro:
I am trying to decide how much to make them aware of my fibro.
when they hired me I told them about it, but I was only working part time so I said I didn't see it as being a problem.
Now I'm full time.
I told them no more close then opens because I get sick, I didn't go into 'It triggers a fibro attack rendering me useless at best or sick for days.' Didn't think they needed that much info.
They have changed so I come in later then open... but they keep scheduling me for Friday close (11:30ish pm) and Saturday mornings (9ish am) when I told them I could only do that every other week... that part the seem to have forgotten.
I am able to work so much better during the week if I have the weekend off, the two days seems to really help me heal and manage my disease (really hate that word). But I don't want to make a big deal, I'm afraid they will decide it's not worth it.
It's Spring and all the thunderstorms just aggravate my symptoms... funny how at least 8 hours of sleep helps so much :) That and walking.
I rather wish we had our own heated pool as that is supposed to be one of the best forms of exercise for fibro.
My Love is kinda flipping out because he just realized the fibro is kinda related to MS and Lupus.
Because I said FMS, The abbreviation for Fibromyalgia Syndrome.
We had an acquaintance who's wife had MS and she past away leaving little kids and a husband behind. A past boss of My Love has a wife with Lupus, she withdrew from the world completely. It was hard on him and her and helpless to watch.
So his heart hangs low. He is worried/anxious/scared. Is that better then denial?
You know I have met very few people who have it and will talk about it. Kinda like we are all hoping it's not really real and the other person is just a mental case :)
I know I keep trying to convince myself that, stupid syndrome.
Well, I better get to bed or I'll pay tomorrow and tonight too. *sigh*
in the Language of Flowers Aspen trees, which happen to be my favorite tree, mean sigh.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
No one did announcements (even though they were supposed to be) cuz they all thought it was dorky, embarrassing, silly...what ever.
Needless to say I'm rather talented at it (or so I am told)
I like writing announcements.
The goofier the better.
Seriously, I can say some nutty stuff and no one calls me on it...
of course that could be cuz they are not paying attention.
Well actually I KNOW they are paying at least a tiny bit of attention because I get just enough of a responds... simple things like some one mentioning,
"How did you know I didn't eat breakfast?!"
"You're right! I do NEED coffee!"
"Now that you mention it it is hot and I would like something cold."
So today we had a gentleman in the cafe doing his very first book signing. His daughter lives here and since he was in town he thought he would do a book signing (gets to write off the trip to see grandkids I bet, lol) His daughter made cookies too attract more people over. They were yummy!
He was kinda nervous and not sure what to expect. I didn't talk to anyone that said they were his publicist so he may have been self-promoting. The GSM (I think that is her title, translates to boss of the store for shift) asks me to do some announcements for them and be nice cuz he's a great guy.
I talk to him a little, ask how he would describe his book, how to pronounce his name (yes, cuz you never know if when the spell it Bryan if it pronounced Bur-eye-an, don't laugh at me!), what genre would he like it to be mentioned as and so on.
Then I wrote up several, okay 4, announcements. I made an announcement every 15-20 minutes.
He and his daughter enjoyed them!
After every announcement they would be giggling and joking. I told him that by the second hour people would be saying to themselves, "You know, I think I have heard about that book..." and they did.
I billed it a memorable fathers day gift in another announcement and it became one.
I called him brilliant and the book a must read... (his daughter almost fell of her chair at that one)
It was fun.
He and his daughter had a good time and will do book signings in the future. The first one wasn't so horrible...
Well, guess what you are getting for Father's Day dad?
A Special signed copy of a Brilliant new book!
aww darn, now it wont be a surprise.
oh one draw back. I entertained and drew attention enough that I have been asked to help figure out how to promote a midnight release party for Dan Brown's new book, I don't even like his writing! This ought to be interesting.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Well, Eldest took one and was all proud and sent me her results thru an email
see, she all talented and savvy and knows so much... I try not to crush her.
Well turns out she thinks I used to be very cool as a teen and that I never really stopped, so that's good right?
Her test results:
You may think you're goth, but you're not. (Maybe Nu Metal?) You wear black to piss off your parents and rebel against societal norms. Goths don't care about other people's impression of them, they wear what they wear because they want to look unique/different and get creative with their get-ups. Plus, Hot Topic? Really?
Goth Test from Dumb Spot!
Dumb Quizzes | MySpace Quizzes & Quotes | Make a Quiz
I felt really bad for her, cuz she has been seeking a Title or Lable or Clique and decided she is goth because she likes their clothes and the color black.
I can relate. I like black too.
Well, I took the test just for grins...
You are definitely goth. You participate in the scene and love the music and the fashion, but you didn't quite score enough to make "Elite Goth," because you're not as familiar with the history/background of the subculture.
Goth Test from Dumb Spot!
Dumb Quizzes | MySpace Quizzes & Quotes | Make a Quiz
I'm not sure how to react to that bit of info.
I, of course, being a MOM, sent her a copy by email and asked if she was jealous.
wait? was this a contest?
Did I win?
What was the prize?
Ohh may brownies!
I like brownies! Let the prize be brownies!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I couldn't figure out what was wrong.
I have been besieged by attacks from spiders and wasps to the point that others commented on the bazaar actions they have been taking to get to me...
I begin to wonder if I was missing a serious message from the universe...
I was reminded of the movie "Failure to Launch" and how one of the characters was attacked by gentle creatures.."because his life was go fundamentally out of balance that nature herself rejected him"
that got me nervous.
well now I can't recall what triggered it, the shock was actually that hard...
i think I know what is up.
Even if I was not consciously aware of the date.
The realization of a day that is rapidly approaching hit me just now
as hard as a physical blow...
have you ever had that feeling?
rather odd isn't it?
A thought hat is physical...
well now that I think I know at least one of the causes to my recent trials
maybe I can approach it correctly and heal instead of hurt.
Monday, May 11, 2009
This morning I was talking to the girls, something like this:
Me: "You know how you guys call me evil..."
Eldest's interrupts anxiously : "We don't mean evil like demonic or bad! We mean....uh... welll...something else."
Monster as anxious : "Yeah, not demons."
Me: "Well, I figure it stands for something..."
Both interrupt : "Yeah!"
Me: "But I wasn't sure what..."
Monster intently: "Me neither!"
Me: "But I think I found it!
Both intently watching, yet cautious.
Me carefully: "Exceptional Virtuous Intelligent Lady."
Both are visibly relived and excited, Monster: "That's it exactly! That's exactly what it means!"
Eldest: "Exactly MOM. You ARE EVIL."
Awww, they are so sweet!
p.s. were you wondering were Thunderous was during this conversation?
He didn't learn his lesson yesterday and had fell back to sleep again.
Must come up with a better consequence.
I think bed time all week end shall be 7:30.
The sun is still up then.
Or maybe cold water as wake up call....
Friday, May 8, 2009
Yet it almost seems to be a term of endearment.
Perhaps Evil is an anachronism for something else...
Every Verb Is Love
Even Vegetables Inhabit Luxembourg
Every Victim Is Loony
See they most often say it when I have out smarted them or been particularly MOM like.
Oh, perhaps I should explain MOM.
See it is my Title and I have earned it.
When my kids were very small we discovered MOM means Mind Over Matter.
They are constantly amazed at what can be done with MOM powers.
So when they tell me I am evil, I just know it stands for something...if only I knew what.
I maybe getting closer to figuring it out.
See, this morning as I tried to wake the kids I reminded them if they fell back to sleep they would have a rushed morning and they were taking the bus even if they were half dressed and forgot all there school things.
"MOM, you are evil!" came a laughing exclamation from the Morning person known as Monster. The Not Morning person of Eldest groaned and started to get out of bed, amazing how tangled the blankets can get... But not a sound came from the Thunderous One's room. That in it's self is concerning (think of his name). He was so unmoving I asked if he was dead, he barely shook his head. Does that mean he is barely dead? I stood there annoying him for abit longer. I left him another warning that he would be rushed if he fell back to sleep.
Well... I must be evil (we must find out what it means!) for not an hour later he was limping down the driveway to the bus: one shoe in his hand, coat and back pack in the other... I sure hope he listened last night and packed his backpack with everything he needs for school today.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
one that just wont let go,
That sits in the back of your mind when you think you have gotten over it,
and waits (gaining strength)
to just pounce out again!?!
Well, I've got two of 'em.
The first one I thought of came to me years ago, about 10 years in fact.
When we fist moved here and were living in the campgrounds.
The second one came more recently, just a few months.
But somehow they are both intertwined now and back to pester me full force.
The problem is, I don't know what to do about it!
I told My Love last night, "I want to work for the newspaper."
He was rather taken back, shocked or perhaps confused?
"Really? Our paper? Really?" that's all he could say. He was awaiting farther explanation.
I was cleaning so I'm not sure how well I conveyed myself.
I reminded him I did have newspaper experience, yeah only high school, but still...
One of the ideas, the more recent one, is I want to be the Moderator of the Newspaper's community forum. They closed it down because of the number of trolls (an industry term) that had invested it. I have plenty of experience with trolls and forums as I have been moderating 4 forums on one website and another forum for a charity. I KNOW I would be the right person for getting our community forum going and thriving and truly being about our community!
Unfortunately the Newspaper doesn't seem to agree. I have sent emails to the publisher and the guy in charge of the reporters (whose title escapes me right now). I have never heard from either of them. I think I will soon try again... But should I change my approach?
I used the internet on this one and sent an email because it seemed logical, "Hey, I want to work on your internet site and... see? I can use a computer!"
Perhaps the next time I need to print off the letters and mail them as well as emailing them. Perhaps if I am really clever I can time the letters and email to arrive on the same day... or would that just be annoying?
The other one I don't want to go into because I have no experience to use to sell me... and if i tell you you might steal my idea!
Yeah, that's it...you'll steal my idea.
Either way I would have to convince them to create a paying position, one they do not already have. I would have to convince them they NEED ME for this position and I am worth the money and risk.
THAT is what is stumping me.
How do I do that? I am worth it, but how can I convince them?
Heck, how do I even get an interview or my letter read?
Considering the economy and the recent fall of a big paper in our state it shall be an up mountain climb, a challenge.
How am I when challenged?
I think I need to call the paper and see if there is a secretary I can talk to. We all know that is where the power is.
Oh and it's not that I don't love my job as a barista, it's just that I have ALOT of things I want to do!
Friday, May 1, 2009
Monster come home from school after a spectacular display of her own.
Sidewalk at school on the way back from art class.
She proudly told her dad how she got out of line and didn't go in the building cuz she knew she was going to throw up and thought throwing up on the sidewalk would be a better choice.
(she threw up all down the hall way in school on the first day of the year just before classes let out, it has scared her for life I think)
She seems to have had it the mildest. Fever came and went quickly. Only threw up the rest of that day and night.
She's back in school today.
Yesterday as the bus pulled up I looked out the window to see Eldest disembark from the bus holding her stomach. Uh oh...
Later that afternoon she had run some errands with me...why you may ask? Well, because she insisted she was not sick and was going to prove it.
welll... I hate that I'm right almost all the time (part of being a goddess I suppose)
We now may give another award.
Most public, yet least gross, violent emptying of the stomach.
As Eldest and I left a store, with the entire high school football team right behind us, she suddenly threw up! Not a word of warning, just opened her mouth and a fountain spouted!
She had had nothing to eat since an early lunch and had been drinking 7up, so after the horror movie of Thunderous, this was as pleasant as the flu gets! LOL!
She was furious that the boys looked at her while she threw up, she felt they all should have turned their heads and given her privacy. Doesn't help that in the store she had been growling at them, she doesn't like boys at all...well most boys anyway. All they had been doing was just be born boys.
So I was torn between rushing her to the car so she could get away from the uncomfortable situation and making sure she was done and okay.
We rushed to the car.
Didn't help, they were all parked by us.
She threw up twice more before she was done.
and yes, she was sure they all stayed to watch.
They didn't really, but you can't get someone with social anxiety to believe that.
So today 2 are at school
one is home.
My Love is at work feeling a bit queasy and I close tonight (work till midnight or so)
I am hoping I make it till tomorrow to be sick, that way I don't miss work.
Flu is bad for the economy you know.
Missed work means less pay
less pay means you spend less
which means the stores make less which means layoffs
which means less money to spend at stores...
see vicious cycle!
I didn't mention earlier (cuz I am still waiting for the call)
When I called the 2 in yesterday
I was given the 3rd degree about their symptoms
fever, vomiting, diareah, a cough, and runny nose...
then was told they can't come back till they are fever free for 24 hours...or was it 48
that's why I was expecting a call.
that and Thunderous was saying his stomach still hurt, I said "aww so sad, get on the bus!"
Well I have goddess duties to attend to, and my tummy is pained.
So I best be on my way...probably need to get more 7up...