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Monday, January 25, 2016

A very fine Focus

I am finding I have to have a very fine focus to stay moving at this point in untangling the threads. So I am breaking things down into small steps. I decide what is the main goal today… then break it down into smaller steps but I am not going very big.

So basically we want to watch a movie as a family tonight so that is our goal. I then back track to what do I need bare minim for that to happen and build my actions from there. To watch a movie I can skip all the first steps up to 'have the movie'. It is the first thing I will need that I don’t already have to watch the movie as a family tonight. And because I want the movies over by a reasonable time I start with how late the movie can be started… movie takes 2 hours and we plan to watch 2 so we need 4 hours before bed to watch the movies. I need to go to the store to get the movies… so add time and flesh it out as it goes until I have in my head every step that I will need, bare minimum, to meet my goal adding in things like meals.

It gives me a daily focus. If I have routines in place, things that need to be done each day for me to function, and complete in the morning I am doing really good cuz it give me time to move my focus to beyond just day to day. In those moments I can look farther and start slipping daily goals that will lead me to a weekly goal that is slowly moving me toward and other bigger goal. And this is slowing allowing moments of spontaneous creativity that get to grow from tiny sparks into a small flame as I find ways to complete more spontaneous things… like making potato candy to go with the movies tonight.

Tomorrow I am giving over to looking at my week and farther goals to see what I can do next and start mapping things out about Balancing Hearth & Home, Mind, Body & Soul, Self, Mate, Relationships, Work and the infinite other aspects that need Balancing. That’s why I guess I’m only a goddess sometimes. It is a very precarious Balance to make.

Well… I need to go make myself dinner and potatoes candy, because if I don’t start now I wont be able to watch the movie on time!

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Focus The One: Family Dream Board

As I said in my last completely rambling post I am learning how to focus. I recently graduate from Massage School and as a project in our business class we made a Dream Board. If you are not familiar with Dream Boards it is simply a place to but visual representations of something you wish to achieve.

A movie I really enjoy is Last Holiday. In it the main character, played by the amazing Queen Latifah, has a photo album she title Possibilities. She had pictures of places she dreamed of going, the wedding she'd like to have, food she'd like to try... A visual representation of her hopes and dreams. As I am learning about Focus I am learning how helpful such a thing is.

One of the big points of conflict we have at home is the lack of communication and constant conflict it causes. I had been thinking on all the supports we have in place... timers, routine, calendars... and how somehow they aren't being used to any benefit. Then it hit me. No one really knows where anyone is going anymore. They can't see how their little piece fits into the picture, because they really don't know what the picture is. They don't really understand why we need chores done because all they can see is the chore.

So basically, yeah, the house and family are in just as a knotted & confused state as my own mind. 

To try and get us all with the same picture in our head of one goal I settled upon doing a Dream Board for the house and yard. At this point my intent is to get a poster board; on half the board put a map-like drawing of our home and yard and how we hope to have it. Draw out the planed garden beds, dog areas, new trees, pond... The base Drawing would be done by My Love and I. then we would have a family meeting where we can all as a family add things in ... color it, cut out magazine pictures and words... and hopefully at the end have a picture in everyone's mind of what our intent is with the house and yard this year.

The second half of the board I am hoping to add Things to DO as a family... concerts, camping trips, diners, bar-b-ques... what ever we might want to have as family goals of Doing for this year.

I see right off several obstacles I will have to figure out. There are the simple ones of what exactly will I need to have, make, and do to have this event of making the Dream Board. The other is how to keep the control freaks in the family from taking over and enviably destroying the plan.

To the first I figure a step by step list:
  1.  Pick a day to have the meeting
  2. Get supplies
  3. Refreshments
  4. Other
I can see this easily getting over whelming so I am leaving it this complex for now.
So This week I'll focus on Step 1... Pick the day.
You'd think that would be simple enough... but of course it's not. LOL!
But you know what? I will make it work.

Friday, January 22, 2016

"You are going to blog." or RambleRambleRamble

How I came to that decision...

It's complicated. But really, what isn't? 
As I said in my last post I've been depressed. But that's not all. I have a great deal I am trying to sort through. Things that I need to figure out... big questions like: Am I crazy? Is It me? Stuff like that. 
Also, I noticed I am happier when I am writing. I don't get so stuck in my head or stuck in the cyberverse. There is so much more here to what started this thought but I can't seem to find the way to say it yet...

 So, yeah.... Like most modern humans in a first world country I am battling to heal my Mind, Body & Spirit.
I'm going to do the modern thing and put everything out there. But, by telling you both everything about who I am, but not telling you exactly who I am. Hopefully.

I have to figure out things and the only way to is to look at it from many points of view. It seems blogging fits that bill.
I think I stopped writing my blog out of fear. Fear of judgment I sometimes think.
But sometimes, it was more truly a fear of the consequences of my thoughts.

Because, when I write it is in that internal narrator voice ... You know... The one who's in charge of internal monologuing, snide comments, paranoia ... 
Or at least mine is... 

And I got side tracked. 
See... That's part of the problem... How can I trust my thoughts, my internal narrator, if she's always getting off the main focus?! How can I be sure that's what really happened and why I reacted the way I did?
Basically everything is so Jumbled in my head that I am not sure of anything. And the being unsure led me to fear and I stopped blogging... talking... But it is also completely natural because I have been so completely busy.
And as a dear friend is so fond of saying,"Stress does strange things."

So instead of trying to untangle the past I am going to move forward... See where these threads I've laid down can lead. Maybe see if i can adjust them to make the best future from Now that I can. 
Oh dear! That sounds frighteningly like Hope.
And if there is one thing I learned about Hope... She is a Badass Warrior!

*deep breath*

I am learning about focus right now, I think. So I will share with you what I learn.

One thought I had tonight was on making a Dream Board as a family so we can all share a focus on what we want our home to look like and then the thought expanded into adding a part for things we want to do as a family... A side thought being this might get the kids thinking about doing dream boards for their own life paths. 

Then the thought expanded into what would be the purpose behind this?
What was it doing?

I thought on that for a moment and found that at the very least we spend a little time together around the table as a family.

Then that thought expanded...At most we would make magic and change our Universe.

Learning to focus is hard. In comes in waves and layers. There are so many things that need focused on I can't even name the threads!  
Which then side tracks my thoughts to the goddesses of Fate. Funny, because I don't believe in just Fate. I am one who is sure we can see just enough of our pattern to change it or at least we can adjust it just enough. "Of course," the Fates might whisper, "that is what all the finest threads say." ... I'm arrogant like that. And that is what I intend to do.
I think that's what I shall write about as I figure this knot out. 
I'll start with the dream boards and how we do that...
1. Make a plan for family making dream board.