What a terrible time for a Muse to hit!

I have no idea why this became so important right now, because I am currently in a Lord of the Rings Marathon with my Gaming Group online, but I have been hit with what finally seems to be the appropriate way to introduce myself to People.

"Hello, I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist, Master Gardener, Beekeeper, & Muse.  I went through a lot of bad shit, so my brain is broken. I'm sure you'll hear me talk about it sometimes."

Alright, I got that thought out... time to go back to the Marathon. 

We might touch on this again.

We might not.

Moon Ramblings: Part the Second

Tonight the Full Moon is in Taurus, it's the Beaver Moon, and there will be a 3 hour long Lunar Eclipse! Dannie and I had just returned from a walk in the moonlight, and Orion is hanging just below the Moon and above the tree line.  He kinda looked like he was reclining, if I think back on it. As we came home from the walk I thought about all the moonlight magic I know. 

I decided to do an abundance spell, as the moon is in Taurus and that is about Finances. Technically, as it's the Full Moon, and Full moons are about Releasing, it's a Moon for Releasing Financial Blocks. As you can tell, this could get complicated.  I chuckled at the Level of Complex things could be and how I tended to shake it down to its bare bones. I never was a big ceremony kind of gal. I tend to simple gestures and intentions. 

I'm probably lazy. Or it's like the lyrics of a Mountain Goats song  "And God is present in the sweeping gesture

But the devil is in the details"

I settled on doing a simple spell involving a wine glass, water, coins, and the Full Moonlight. I also brought out my box of stones and crystals, and lastly, sage. I set my intentions, greeted the moon, cleansed the area and all the items I had brought with me with the sage smoke. I love the smell of burning sage. I like the smell of most burning herbs and woods, maybe it's the Fire Sign in me.

I've been working with the phases of the moon lately, so as I had started shaping the idea of what I planned to do when I got home from my walk I realized that this spell had an aspect to it I was having trouble following. There is a point where you move your hands over the glass of water, as if gathering in the coins of light from the moonlight. Symbolically it is a very visible and pretty imagery.  Logically my mind started picking it apart.

As we walked,  it struck me how the Full moon is the peak of the Energy Increase and then it begins to Recede. If I was working for on a money spell I needed to check the energy flow and match the intentions to the correct points. Meaning all the aspects of this spell that are of the gathering energy need to be done before the full moon. 

I did this part right when we got home from our walk. Then I set an alarm to see if I would be able to come up with a way to honor/celebrate/experience the Lunar Eclipse. I do like the color the moon turns. It is a very powerful experience and so beautiful and rare. I did not wake up.

Now that that was completed I get to start thinking about how to Release my Financial Blockages.  I need to hit the books! Recently a friend sent me a really cute kit called "How to turn your Ex- Boyfriend into a Toad Kit. " This will be my first stop.

Moon Ramblings: Part the First

We took a walk in the moonlight.

I don't have any pictures for this walk to share. 

Yesterday I hit my head just as I got to work. It happened  to be just a perfect Wack! to trigger my post concussion syndrome. This lead to me not really leaving the house today as I rested so by this evening Dannie and I were a little stir crazy.  Happily about 8:30 pm I felt well enough I thought we should go for a walk and test it out. 

It turned out to be a wonderful walk! 

The air is cold enough most of the humans were inside. The moon is reaching fullness and there will be an eclipse later tonight! As we started the walk you could hear some coyotes in the distance, probably up by the cemetery, howl to each other and the herd protection dogs warning them off. We made our way by moonlight.

Fairly quickly into the walk I noticed that Dannie was on pretty high alert, I slowed down to see what he was doing. I'll admit I had gotten distracted by my own thoughts and amusements on the pattern of the moonshadows that spilled across the road in our path made, so I hadn't been as responsive as was usual. Watching him I realized that it had been awhile since we had taken a moonlight walk, so everything was new again. We made our way slowly up the street letting him re-explore the familiar surroundings with all it's new smells and appearance. 

Then he stopped dead in the road and stared into the dark of the fenced in forested field next to us. This was an alert that requires me to stop and assess our surroundings, because he was telling me someone was there. Someone he was unfriendly with. If Dannie could talk he may have said something like, "Mom, I'm not sure able this, but if you want me to kill it I will."

It took my eyes a moment to pick out the shape that had him concerned. And a longer moment to determine what I was seeing. There were two horses laying down near the corner of the fence, I believe my youngest would call it 'Loafing'. They both were watching us. Dannie was once startled by a horse when he was a very little puppy resulting in him developing the terrible habit of barking at any horse he saw as if it was a threat. I had slowly introduce him to horses that live near us, but it had not seemed successful in the past. 

This time he had not barked. I thanked the moonlight for making everything look just strange enough that he may not have immediately recognised them and barked, as usual. I rewarded him with praise and then, not thinking anything of it, told the horses to have a good evening and started to move on.

Of course this particular horse has good manners, so upon being addressed he stood and approached the fence, in case I wished to engage in a longer conversation, which clearly must be the case, because Dannie had stopped walking again once the horse stood up. Not wanting to be rude, I did stop and  continue to address the horse. Explaining to him how Dannie had been startled once and was unsure of horses in general and it wasn't anything particular against him. I also awarded Dannie a treat and many words of praise for not barking at the horse. After what appeared to be a long enough pause to converse and not appear rude we continued on our walk.

This lead us past a part where the woods come right up the the road on both sides. I always expect an ambush hear. It is where I saw a coyotes run across the road and also tracks that everyone says couldn't be a crocodile, while clearly being a crocodile's tracks. Tonight something larger than an armadillo was in the woods to the right.  I thought it was being too loud to be a coyote, so making a werewolf, wild hog, or deer seemed likely.  Dannie was more concerned that there were horses behind us and maybe turning our backs wasn't the greatest idea.

Whatever was to the right decided to shadow us instead of moving farther away from the road and that's when Dannie's head whipped around. It was down wind from us, so it had taken its moving through branches to get Dannie to stop worrying about the possible ninja horse attack and pay attention to other things. We kept moving down the road. Dannie had excitement in every fiber now. He only sniffed at a fist sized rock he probably would normally ask if he could take home. He did wonderful all the way to the corner where the herd protection dogs, already on high alert told us to take our moonlight stroll in another direction.

We were having a great walk. Before we reached the ambush site I noticed you could see the moonlight reflecting off an old car that was almost completely obscured by the the overgrowth that came right up to the fence... And then we heard something moving through the area, again. As it was on the opposite side of the road I thought maybe whatever had shadowed us before had crossed the road and was going to shadow us again or maybe the horses had moved down to see what we were doing. We continued on with me praising Dannie when he was doing the right things and Dannie not barking but stopping and following other commands when given. 

Why it didn't bother me that I didn't know what the large creature was shadowing us was or what it's intentions were, I don't know. Cuz honestly, I was just really enjoying the night and everything about it. As we went I became aware that there was still the original one  to the right of the road and now the one on the left, it was about then that I saw that both of the horses were on their feet, watching us walk down the road. Soooo... I guess it wasn't them following us. 

Nope, I still don't know what they were. My flashlight decided it didn't work at the one point that I tried to bring more light to the area. I did decide I would like the low light vision eyesight of the various metahuman types and that I was going to go home and do some moonlight work.

So that was fun.

Dannie is chasing a mouse, so I have to stop the story.

Bee Reflections : Returning

I was clearly putting off checking my bees. I started to consider it. I also started to prepare for our next meeting. Smoker pellets were ordered. the Hive observed from a distance a couple of times to gauge their activity.  You know, just about anything I could do without actually going into the hive. I have an absurdly high level of avoidance skill. Hell, I'm writing this post so I don't obsess over my barren financial status 

Then, as I was leaving mom's house, I noted two bees that were absolutely hungry for the hummingbird feeder nectar. I watched those bees for a moment. They were brighter yellow and shiner then the bees in my memory. I began to wonder if I was so far removed from my bees that I didn't recognize them.

I suited up gathered my things, put Dannie on his ripline, and went forth to tend the hive. My intention was to do a deep check of the hive and put the entrance reducer on in preparation for winter. I wanted to check the brood boards and be sure they had stores and if any egg laying was going on. I had had a fear that their new queen had died or was not a good queen as the hive appeared to be struggling.

I did not make it quite that far. 

I practiced lighting the fire pellets and stood near the hive. I let the smoke trickle into the hive and I listened to the response of the bees. I listened to my body too and at my accelerated heart rate. I calmed myself using one of the grounding practices from therapy of all things. It is also useful for mindfulness. Observing my senses and body nonjudgmentally. 

While my brain is doing all these important things, I judge that the flow of bees in and out of the hive paused. All the girls are safely cleared from the entrance, I tried to move smoothly and swiftly sliding the doorway restrictor piece into place. I  could hear and feel the sudden shift of the hum from the hive.  I moved the logical brain to non-judgmentally observe, while continuing to fit the piece into place. It feels firm but it wont slide all the way flush. Deciding I will need to lift the hive box and really jostle things about to get the piece in flush. I hesitate to do so. I'm not ready to get them upset. I continue to inspect the outside of the hive and watch for a bit while the girls.  I brush spiderwebs off and just look it over.

At one point as I inspected the outside of the hive, I turned towards the hive front to see a small loose cloud of bees all hovering, watching me. I watch them back. For a moment we are just observing each other. Curious. Content. Controlled. 

I realize I am looking at a band of warriors that are not yet sure of my intentions. It then occurs to me that not a single member of this hive will have been worked directly from me alone. I think over my relationship with this new Queen and her small nation. We have barely met. I decide that is enough. I explain to the bees as I move back to observe the hive entrance that it will help them defend the hive better and keep the temperature more stable as it gets colder.

I watch hunters returning with pouches full of light colored pollen land heavily and stroll through the opening. I see one bee come forward and turning around set herself in a stance with her end in the air, little clawed feet holding the board firmly and  begin fanning her wings. I think she is fanning the scent of the queen out of the smaller entrance to help guide the new arrivals in past the smell of the smoke.

With some reluctance I remove myself from the hive and return my equipment to its proper storage. I am glad we ended out interaction of a positive or neutral note.  I have made a point to stop by the bees and talk to them so that when I next put on my suit and check them we will both be Curious, Content, and Controlled. It seems like a nice place to start from.

Bee Reflection

I read a comment on one of my facebook groups this morning that had me reflecting on my relationship with my hive. I have noticed in my life that the state of my plants and animals reflects the state of my life. I am almost never aware of that actual state until I look back, far after whatever the current disaster is.

*Random-how lonely is it to know all men love you because of the goddess within you*

Part of healing seems to be learning how to direct that disaster the way one learns to light backfires. So I started the think on the state of my hive and what its reflection on Me is. So, let's start in the middle and jump sidewise. 

I need to check my hive. Yet, somehow I can't seem to bring myself to do it. 

I'm afraid of what I might find. 

You see, my hives were a gift from my dad after I earn a citizen scientist title. I was taking my Master gardener classes at the time. I have always been a little scared of my hives. I've been stung before and it was traumatic. Which I actually forgot about consciously until this moment. Which might explain a lot about my relationship with my hive and now is giving me an idea on how to approach my hive this time.

My beekeeping experience has not been gentle or so I thought. I was stung over 20 times in my first season. Each time after I could look back and pin point my mistake. I'm an intuitive massage therapist and I've been really focusing on what the intuitive part means and how it works so I can use it better. This has lead me to a great deal  of exploring the various aspects of the Mind Body connection. 

This past few moons I decided to apply that same intuitive approach to my Master Gardeners and Beekeeping. And Mom. Oddly, I haven't managed to apply my intuitiveness to the Dannie training. Probably because when I do, we get distracted and end up doing things other than training. 

So back to my hives. We suffered a traumatic loss in that the hive swarmed or split and I have not been in the hive in a positive manner since that has happened. I remember gearing up and getting ready for my last session with the hive. I remember thinking I needed to learn how to use my smoker before I got back in the hive. That the hive was not thriving and I did not know why. I would need to dig deeper next time and for that I would need my smoker. Which I do not seem to be able to keep lit I should know how to do this.

Once I hit that point it became an excuse to not go back and take care of my hive. To just let them live or die while decide if I'm going to plan to keep two hives or just one because I now can bring a hive to JokerB's yard if I keep it. Before I commit to two hives i need to be sure I did what I could for my first hive. so with that in mind I started to turn back to connecting with my bees. the first thing was learning such a thing as bee shamans exists and that there is an official organization as of such. I am not going to approach my bees with their philosophy, I will listen first to my own. I have yet to learn much about them but just knowing they existed made me look back at my Master Gardener connection and try to approach it on the physical level with a more My Philosophy  approach. So in that Spirit I am getting off the computer and going to trim some roses in hopes of rootlings. I'll be trying to Listen to my senses as I do, and mayhaps, my next reflection shall be on what I saw there.

Fairy Godmother?

Have you ever looked around at the wreck that surrounds you and thought, "Wow, no wonder my fairy godmother hasn't showed up." And so you set about cleaning?

It struck me today as I swept my rooms that I can recall many times in my past where I begged the Universe to send me a rescue, like a miracle or Fairy Godmother, any number of the Heroes and Helpers that are scattered about all the stories we are raised on. At first I became sad thinking how I'd been disregarded, if not ignored. For no dramatic characters ever appeared to sweep away all the turama.

I blame Frankenstein for that. He is such a whiner! Every one of his actions and moods is always someone else's fault. I've been listening to Mary Shelley's audiobook, so I may be a bit under that monster's influence.

It slowly dawned on me, as Dannie assisted me in my endeavors to sweep up the floor and put away his toys, all my Helpers have been subtle. People willing to give me a reliable transportation so I could go to classes and even as far as conveying me over the mountains and back safely so I could accomplish goals that would benefit us. People who left a tip, slide an extra treat in the grocery order, didn't comment on the tear marks, guided me when I couldn't make a coherent sound, anonymously left entire feasts or holidays on my doorstep... So many Helpers.

No glitter, lights, dramatic musical numbers, or transformations. Just slow steady support. 

And that is MAGIC.

Okay, I'm getting emotional so I'll stop.

I cherish each glimpse of Fairy Godmothers, Heroes, and Helpers I have experienced.

We Are Now

The kids are grown and on their own.

I left my husband and the State we were in.

Were we are now is complex and cluttered, for what else would it be?

I'm a bit terrified of the next steps.

The plan is simple enough... get a dog, get an RV, travel, own land...

It's not simple in execution.

I'll be honest. My two biggest challenges are Myself and Money. 

Though I have spent the last 4 years working on healing I have a long way to go.

I don't really know yet what my blog will look like this time. I was happy when my kids read my old blog posts and were surprised at how much they didn't know about our adventures, so maybe it will be like that again. Only this time it'll be me and Dannie looking back at our adventures.

So todays adventure is simple. Drive my newly acquired car to and from work and take Dannie for a walk down the road.

Both of these are harder for me then I'd like to admit.

And it is time to get started!