Bee Reflections : Returning

I was clearly putting off checking my bees. I started to consider it. I also started to prepare for our next meeting. Smoker pellets were ordered. the Hive observed from a distance a couple of times to gauge their activity.  You know, just about anything I could do without actually going into the hive. I have an absurdly high level of avoidance skill. Hell, I'm writing this post so I don't obsess over my barren financial status 

Then, as I was leaving mom's house, I noted two bees that were absolutely hungry for the hummingbird feeder nectar. I watched those bees for a moment. They were brighter yellow and shiner then the bees in my memory. I began to wonder if I was so far removed from my bees that I didn't recognize them.

I suited up gathered my things, put Dannie on his ripline, and went forth to tend the hive. My intention was to do a deep check of the hive and put the entrance reducer on in preparation for winter. I wanted to check the brood boards and be sure they had stores and if any egg laying was going on. I had had a fear that their new queen had died or was not a good queen as the hive appeared to be struggling.

I did not make it quite that far. 

I practiced lighting the fire pellets and stood near the hive. I let the smoke trickle into the hive and I listened to the response of the bees. I listened to my body too and at my accelerated heart rate. I calmed myself using one of the grounding practices from therapy of all things. It is also useful for mindfulness. Observing my senses and body nonjudgmentally. 

While my brain is doing all these important things, I judge that the flow of bees in and out of the hive paused. All the girls are safely cleared from the entrance, I tried to move smoothly and swiftly sliding the doorway restrictor piece into place. I  could hear and feel the sudden shift of the hum from the hive.  I moved the logical brain to non-judgmentally observe, while continuing to fit the piece into place. It feels firm but it wont slide all the way flush. Deciding I will need to lift the hive box and really jostle things about to get the piece in flush. I hesitate to do so. I'm not ready to get them upset. I continue to inspect the outside of the hive and watch for a bit while the girls.  I brush spiderwebs off and just look it over.

At one point as I inspected the outside of the hive, I turned towards the hive front to see a small loose cloud of bees all hovering, watching me. I watch them back. For a moment we are just observing each other. Curious. Content. Controlled. 

I realize I am looking at a band of warriors that are not yet sure of my intentions. It then occurs to me that not a single member of this hive will have been worked directly from me alone. I think over my relationship with this new Queen and her small nation. We have barely met. I decide that is enough. I explain to the bees as I move back to observe the hive entrance that it will help them defend the hive better and keep the temperature more stable as it gets colder.

I watch hunters returning with pouches full of light colored pollen land heavily and stroll through the opening. I see one bee come forward and turning around set herself in a stance with her end in the air, little clawed feet holding the board firmly and  begin fanning her wings. I think she is fanning the scent of the queen out of the smaller entrance to help guide the new arrivals in past the smell of the smoke.

With some reluctance I remove myself from the hive and return my equipment to its proper storage. I am glad we ended out interaction of a positive or neutral note.  I have made a point to stop by the bees and talk to them so that when I next put on my suit and check them we will both be Curious, Content, and Controlled. It seems like a nice place to start from.

Bee Reflection

I read a comment on one of my facebook groups this morning that had me reflecting on my relationship with my hive. I have noticed in my life that the state of my plants and animals reflects the state of my life. I am almost never aware of that actual state until I look back, far after whatever the current disaster is.

*Random-how lonely is it to know all men love you because of the goddess within you*

Part of healing seems to be learning how to direct that disaster the way one learns to light backfires. So I started the think on the state of my hive and what its reflection on Me is. So, let's start in the middle and jump sidewise. 

I need to check my hive. Yet, somehow I can't seem to bring myself to do it. 

I'm afraid of what I might find. 

You see, my hives were a gift from my dad after I earn a citizen scientist title. I was taking my Master gardener classes at the time. I have always been a little scared of my hives. I've been stung before and it was traumatic. Which I actually forgot about consciously until this moment. Which might explain a lot about my relationship with my hive and now is giving me an idea on how to approach my hive this time.

My beekeeping experience has not been gentle or so I thought. I was stung over 20 times in my first season. Each time after I could look back and pin point my mistake. I'm an intuitive massage therapist and I've been really focusing on what the intuitive part means and how it works so I can use it better. This has lead me to a great deal  of exploring the various aspects of the Mind Body connection. 

This past few moons I decided to apply that same intuitive approach to my Master Gardeners and Beekeeping. And Mom. Oddly, I haven't managed to apply my intuitiveness to the Dannie training. Probably because when I do, we get distracted and end up doing things other than training. 

So back to my hives. We suffered a traumatic loss in that the hive swarmed or split and I have not been in the hive in a positive manner since that has happened. I remember gearing up and getting ready for my last session with the hive. I remember thinking I needed to learn how to use my smoker before I got back in the hive. That the hive was not thriving and I did not know why. I would need to dig deeper next time and for that I would need my smoker. Which I do not seem to be able to keep lit I should know how to do this.

Once I hit that point it became an excuse to not go back and take care of my hive. To just let them live or die while decide if I'm going to plan to keep two hives or just one because I now can bring a hive to JokerB's yard if I keep it. Before I commit to two hives i need to be sure I did what I could for my first hive. so with that in mind I started to turn back to connecting with my bees. the first thing was learning such a thing as bee shamans exists and that there is an official organization as of such. I am not going to approach my bees with their philosophy, I will listen first to my own. I have yet to learn much about them but just knowing they existed made me look back at my Master Gardener connection and try to approach it on the physical level with a more My Philosophy  approach. So in that Spirit I am getting off the computer and going to trim some roses in hopes of rootlings. I'll be trying to Listen to my senses as I do, and mayhaps, my next reflection shall be on what I saw there.

Fairy Godmother?

Have you ever looked around at the wreck that surrounds you and thought, "Wow, no wonder my fairy godmother hasn't showed up." And so you set about cleaning?

It struck me today as I swept my rooms that I can recall many times in my past where I begged the Universe to send me a rescue, like a miracle or Fairy Godmother, any number of the Heroes and Helpers that are scattered about all the stories we are raised on. At first I became sad thinking how I'd been disregarded, if not ignored. For no dramatic characters ever appeared to sweep away all the turama.

I blame Frankenstein for that. He is such a whiner! Every one of his actions and moods is always someone else's fault. I've been listening to Mary Shelley's audiobook, so I may be a bit under that monster's influence.

It slowly dawned on me, as Dannie assisted me in my endeavors to sweep up the floor and put away his toys, all my Helpers have been subtle. People willing to give me a reliable transportation so I could go to classes and even as far as conveying me over the mountains and back safely so I could accomplish goals that would benefit us. People who left a tip, slide an extra treat in the grocery order, didn't comment on the tear marks, guided me when I couldn't make a coherent sound, anonymously left entire feasts or holidays on my doorstep... So many Helpers.

No glitter, lights, dramatic musical numbers, or transformations. Just slow steady support. 

And that is MAGIC.

Okay, I'm getting emotional so I'll stop.

I cherish each glimpse of Fairy Godmothers, Heroes, and Helpers I have experienced.

We Are Now

The kids are grown and on their own.

I left my husband and the State we were in.

Were we are now is complex and cluttered, for what else would it be?

I'm a bit terrified of the next steps.

The plan is simple enough... get a dog, get an RV, travel, own land...

It's not simple in execution.

I'll be honest. My two biggest challenges are Myself and Money. 

Though I have spent the last 4 years working on healing I have a long way to go.

I don't really know yet what my blog will look like this time. I was happy when my kids read my old blog posts and were surprised at how much they didn't know about our adventures, so maybe it will be like that again. Only this time it'll be me and Dannie looking back at our adventures.

So todays adventure is simple. Drive my newly acquired car to and from work and take Dannie for a walk down the road.

Both of these are harder for me then I'd like to admit.

And it is time to get started!

This Is Not About Plants

As I was taking care of my plants tonight I was mourning how neglected they were. How when we take something out of its natural environment it becomes dependent. It does not mean the plant submits to us or that the plant is flawed. It simply means they look to us to meet their needs to survive.

My plants have been sorely neglected for years. I was seeing it in their twisted trunks and steams. In their lack of height and fullness.

And all I could think was “Look at the damage neglect has done! And still, it is not abuse.”

I wiped the limp discolored leaves gently with a damp cloth. I marveled at how amazing they were. How by just this little attention they would be greener in the morning. They would hold their leaves a little stronger.

I wondered at how little it takes to keep a plant alive. I marveled at how much you need to know to help it thrive. In fact, you really do nothing but meet its needs and it does the rest. You both enjoy the benefits.

As I moved from plant to plant I began to wonder. It is so simple to keep a plant and so easy to neglect a plant… at what point is the neglect abuse? Their colors were pale and blemishes marred their surfaces, I noticed as I washed each leaf.

I looked at my neglected plants and wondered what would they look like if they were abused? It was about then that I found a plant that had at first looked green on top, but when I moved the foliage to water it, I was met with a mass of twigs. I don’t think this one will bounce back.